TEXAS CHAINSAW 3D

Shit.





ONE FUCK for the sexy wimmins!

IRON MAN 3

ATTENTION! SPOILERS

As the weather gets warmer, so too, does the cinema heat up with the summer blockbusters. The Iron Man movies seem to be the lead into those (in Japan at least anyway) and get me in the mood for the films to come.

Admittedly, I often overlooked Iron Man 3 because I am anticipating Man Of Steel so much, but I'm always keen to see Robert Downey Jr perform.

So, Tony Stark is having PTSD after the events of the Avengers, when a mysterious villain appears, named The Mandarin. His men injure one of Tony's friends, which then sets Iron Man into action, declaring revenge on him. 

That's the most basic of a plot discription, only because there's not a lot else to the film. There seems to be a lot of filler, with at least a third of the film centering on what should be a sub plot, which sees Tony being helped with his demons by a little boy. Hmn... This is one of my concerns. 

 The film is really unbalanced. For example, Tony in one of the opening scenes, is trying to configure a remote control activated suit, where a bit of slapstick mayhem ensues, next scene; someone is crucified and set on fire.

 No doubt, they are pushing this film to be more child friendly and seriously trying to push the toys. The climax had me rolling my eyes with the amount of Iron Man suits they bring in for battle. I wouldn't mind, but each one was given about 3 seconds of screen time each. Wasteful. It was also stretched out too long. How many times can you bring a villain back from the dead? He's not the fucking Terminator.

The twist, which reveals the Mandarin to be not who he is has been done before in Batman Begins, which did it better. Here, it was just played for laughs and, admittedly, it was funny, but it felt cheap.

They really underused the Iron Patriot and his introduction in the film was SO weak. He literally just walks casually into shot while someone else is talking. You'd think they'd make his entrance more grandiose.

Another big problem for me was this... Where the fuck was Nick Fury? Or the Hulk? Hawkeye, Black Widow, shit -- even Captain America. Seriously, you have your little spandex boyband, not one of them could spare a day to give you a hand? Have to call bullshit on that.

Biggest complaint though, more for self indulgent reasons than poor choice filmmaking is... WHERE THE FUCK IS AC/DC THE SOUNDTRACK? Really, that band's music is a signature for this series of films, yet there is not one track in ear shot. That doesn't sit right with me. Although, the Iron Man 3 theme is pretty kick ass. 

Despite all this, there is a lot of fun to be had. Performances are good, there's some genuinely funny stuff, I always like to hear Paul Bettany as Jarvis, Gwyneth is gorgeous as always and she gets a really well deserved moment at the climax of the film that made me fall for her even more. 

The post credit scene was a bit wanky for my liking, but all in all

THREE FUCKS

LORDS OF SALEM

First of all, there's nothing scary about a bunch of naked old bitches, sorry, witches, cackling and spurting out a bunch of fucking nonsense about worshipping Lucifer and rejecting Christ and on and on. That opening made me tune out immediately. Yawn.

Now, I like Rob Zombie, I like his music, I like his art stuff & I quite like about half of his film work. So, I stuck with it.

The story is about a local radio DJ Heidi, played by Zombie's wife. (Hmn.) who recieves a mysterious wooden box, containing a vinyl record, from what she assumes to be a band, called The Lords Of Salem. She plays the record, it sounds weird (Its a pretty awesome little tune, thought I.) and from there on she starts getting creepy visions, which grow more bizarre and more real each time.

The film's actors are alright, but there are far too many cameos which take you out of the film. I really dislike cameos, unless its done in a smart way. To be fair, the cameos here were not as dumb as the Franco Nero one in Django Unchained, its just that there were too many in here.

You'll notice rips from Rosemary's Baby, the Shining & of course The Exorcist, which would be ok if they'd expanded on them.

The freaky imagery is hit and miss. Some of it works, a LOT of it doesn't. Can't blame a guy for trying though.
Musical stabs. Goddamn, I'm sick of those. Y'know, the sudden "shock" music you get to instigate a jump scare out of you. That does not work unless you are an eleven year old girl. It's a shame they used that here because the suspenseful stuff had me going. It's just like a disappointing punchline.

For the most part, I like how the movie is shot. Rob Zombie does know how to set up the camera and some of the stuff in here is really cool. I like his corridor tracking shots, they made me feel uneasy.

Pacing is an issue here. I find that slow burning horror films are often the best ones, I mentioned The Shining & Rosemary's Baby earlier, but also Don't Look Now is a perfect example of the slow burning horror film. Here though, Zombie's film wanders aimlessly at points and a scene will climax with a weird, freaky image, that has nothing to do with anything else thats gone on before (& no pay off later.)

This is one you should check out though, I do think a lot of people will enjoy this. It's got a feel of a cult film and fans of Zombie's are sure to enjoy at least aspects of it.

For me though, it just needed a stronger narrative and some proper character development, as none of the characters here have any depth.

TWO FUCKS

FUNERAL KINGS

Hadn't heard of this, until a friend recommended it as his favorite film of the year so far. That's not saying much, since the early part of the year is when they tend to release the crappier movies of the studios' line up.

The story goes; a few altar boys spend their time smoking, boozing and trying to hook up with girls with limited success. When one of their older "friends" drops off a mysterious trunk, their curiosity gets the better of them. They open it to find fireworks, porno mags and a pistol.

I was expecting a shocking, maybe somewhat harrowing tale of life seen through the eyes of a group of 14 year old boys, perhaps a film similar in the vein of "Kids." It wasn't that at all and, while it was amusing at times, it wasn't quite like "Superbad" as one might imagine.

While I enjoyed this film, I felt that it really didn't go all out in any particular direction. There were some tense moments in the film, that could have gone into some really interesting places, but the scenes would end or be wrapped up in a way that had little to no consequence. (And a few conveniences in parts) That was a bit annoying to me.

I liked the main characters, they had a good rapport and their friendship felt genuine. It brought back memories of the stupid shit I did when I was 14, so it had some nostalgia value for me too.

If you're after a cool little movie that's not too dark, not too heavy, but not completely light either, I'd recommend renting it. There's nothing really for you to pay full price at the cinema, but watching at home, you're likely to enjoy it a whole lot more.

THREE FUCKS

PRINCESS

I remember reading about this Danish film when it came out in 2006, but I had heard less than favorable reviews, so I didn't bother until now, as it had always stuck around in my mind as something to see when I got some free time.

Glad I did, finally. This film just blew me away, it grabbed a hold of my emotions and just shook me about. I was amused, shocked, disgusted, infuriated and uplifted.

August, a volunteer worker, returns home to find his his sister has hit rock bottom as a famous porn star and now dead from drug abuse. Her daughter, Mia, has been left in the hands of Karen, a sex worker. August takes Mia and acts as her rightful guardian, but over time, through feelings of guilt and frustration, seeks violent retribution against those he feels responsible over his sister's path and protection of Mia.

The thing I found very effective with this film, was it's use of live action with animation. A few key scenes, showing mostly back story, are played out in live action. It gives the film a sense of realism and having the characters be played by live actors, makes you care for them more.

This film reminded me a lot of the Paul Schrader film, Hardcore and his screenplay for Taxi Driver. These films deal with a man, heading into the underbelly of the world of smut and no one comes out, unscathed.

This would have been fine as a simple action/revenge story, but it's more than that. Watching August trying to bond with Mia gave it a big heart, which saves it from being mere exploitation.

The film left me with mixed emotions and I may need a few days for resolution. Its definitely one, I shall think about and I shall see again sometime soon.

Not for the feint of heart, but if you want to see a good revenge film with something with more substance, then give Princess a go.

FOUR FUCKS

SESSION 9

Browsing through Netflix, I was looking for a decent horror film that would hold my concentration for 90 minutes or so. Having seen a number of horror films, more often bad than good, I'm beginning to lose my patience with a lot of them.

Session 9 kept me wondering what would happen next. Good. The synopsis from IMDB is this:

Tensions rise within an asbestos cleaning crew as they work in an abandoned mental hospital with a horrific past that seems to be coming back.

The strength of this film is it's back story, which a horror tale of this ilk should have. Take for example, The Shining. A film which takes its time to plant seeds and give you little bits of information, adding more each time, until the climax, where - it's already under your skin and you can't escape from it.

 I found Session 9 to be very similar in that vein. I liked the subtle tone of the film and that it wasn't dwindling, despite it's slow pace. Some people might lose their patience at the film, as there isn't really an identifiable "villain" until towards the last of the 2nd act, but that, perhaps is what kept me going. I wasn't sure how things were going to turn out. Ghosts? Psychos? Were the team already in the mental institute? Or perhaps they were all figments of one of the character's imagination?

The climax for me was a little bit disappointing, as I felt they could've pushed the boat out a bit further. Again, I refer to The Shining that builds up to it's bat shit insane final sequence. The climax here was not particularly terrifying, shocking or even all that surprising.

A decent effort for a low-budget horror film, perhaps one to watch during the early Halloween season as a warm up.

An enthusiastic

THREE FUCKS

CZ12

Let me take you back to 1988.

I'm 6 years old and my dad is taking me to the video shop, as it's Friday night and he wants to go to the pub with his mates. He's dropping me off at my Granddad's house, where there is little entertainment for a young man with too much energy.
 Before we even get there, I know what I'm going to get. It's either going to be one of the Police Story films, Project A or Armor of God. Of course, I've seen all these already - and their sequels, multiple times in fact -- but these are the movies I would (and still can) watch over and over and never tire of them. I truly love Jackie Chan movies. Always have, always will.

So I heard about Chinese Zodiac 12 or CZ12 as it's more commonly known, last year when I was looking for Martial Arts films being released that year.
 I almost jumped out of my seat. Jackie Chan returning to his Asian Hawk character, a sort of Chinese Indiana Jones (And sorry Indy, as much as I love you too, Asian Hawk would end your week like a Sunday.)

I waited and waited, each day more excited than the next, my childhood hero (2nd only to Bruce Lee) back in one of my favorite movie franchises.
 Then, the day finally came, when the movie Gods smiled down on me and said "Lee, here is a piece of your childhood. Sorry it's a bit late."

And that's the thing. The 6 year old me would have loved this, but as a 30 year old man, I see too many faults. Perhaps I expected too much. Jackie is the same age as my father, so it's amazing to see him doing what he does at that age. He is a true athlete and runs circles round all other action stars of his generation.

That said, like my father, Jackie seems to be getting a bit preachy in his old age. I'm not particularly interested in his views on world history and Chinese heritage. I respect that he wants to make a film close to his heart, but slowing a film down to give me a 6 minute "history lesson" through dialogue is not the way to do it. If you're going to do that, at least make it interesting to watch.
 Be warned, there's an awful lot of exposition in this film, to the point you lose interest. The characters, of which there are many, are poorly written and terribly developed (not at all in most cases) and are totally forgettable.
 The non-Chinese in the film for the most part are made out to be bumbling idiots, which I didn't take too kindly to, but I suspect that's Jackie making this film purely for his Chinese audiences. Cheap, thought I.

In terms of continuity, there seems to be very little connection to both Armor of God & Operation Condor. For example, his name has gone from Asian Hawk, to JC. This may be a translation issue, I'm not entirely sure.
 I was pleased to see a few character quirks remain though: His fondness for gadgets and his awesome-as-hell chewing gum trick.

It really seems to have been inspired by several Hollywood blockbusters of recent years, most noticeably, Pirates Of The Caribbean, in which a totally unneccessary action sequence takes place, most of which, Jackie is largely absent.

Thats another gripe about this film: The movie is... Let's say "fight light." Of all the action sequences, you know how many fights Jackie Chan has? 2, although they are in the same scene, so you could say 1, broken up.
 The other performers in the film do an excellent job of the fight choreography, particularly Zhang Lanxin (thank goodness I can write that and not have to say it!) who has a great one-on-one bout with another martial artist.

Let me move on to the good stuff, because I feel I've talked a lot of trash about this film and it's not that bad at all, those things removed.

First of all, it's a gorgeous looking film. The locations, the action sequences, the cinematography. All the money that has been spent, has been spent well.
 In certain scenes, it's also very funny. I particularly enjoyed a scene in which Jackie Chan gets chased around a maze by several Dobermen (dobermans?)

There is a counterfeiting scene which I found quite interesting and would've liked to have seen more in-depth.

Finally, the action sequences with Jackie are awesome as hell. Sure, you can tell there's wire work & CGI involved here and there, but come on. He's old. We're all just going to have to accept that. He still moves faster than you and I!!

All in all, this is a decent effort. The plot tends to drift off and lose itself quite a bit, but if you can stick with it for the action scenes and the light humor, you might just have yourself a fun time. You have to give props to Jackie for trying to make a film that speaks, rather than just the shit he did in Hollywood. For the record, the Rush Hours, the Jacket, the Spy Next Door... They're not Jackie Chan films. They just have Jackie Chan in them.

THREE FUCKS

FIRE WITH FIRE

In a word: Shit.

It's not by any means the worst film I have ever seen, but it is certainly not up to standard, even as a bottom-shelf B rated action film.

Josh Duhamel, who, in my opinion looks too soft to be an action star, plays a young witness to a violent crime. Placed in witness protection while he testifies against the culprit (played excellently by Vincent D'onofrio), he soon beds & falls for his guardian, (No, it's not Bruce Willis, although that would make for a more interesting character dynamic.) played by Rosario Dawson. Their romance feels forced and rushed. They get 2 scenes together and suddenly they are madly and deeply in love. Bullshit.

Anyway, D'onofrio sends a hitman out to assassinate them and.... You know, I'm getting bored of describing this film. Basically, Duhamel sets out to get D'onofrio and his men before they get to him.

That's it really, just with added scenes and characters to pad it out.

Bruce Willis whispering and sighing his way through his scenes (which look like they were all shot on the same day) looking like he doesn't want to be there. The most uninteresting hitman you have ever seen in a film, Vinnie Jones as the weakest "hard man" ever. Really, Vin? You let Josh "skinny as a rake" Duhamel slam your head into a bin and you're done? Pussy. 50 cent playing, well, 50 cent. Whaddaya gonna do?

Rampage Jackson has a scene or two in this too and I actually enjoyed watching him. He's not the greatest actor, but i think he has a presence, worthy of attention.

The action scenes are flat, poorly choreographed and just plain boring to watch, which is the worst sin of a film like this. If you're going to make a film that people will watch - not for the story, not for the performances, just for a cheap, quick thrill, at least make it interesting to watch!! Give it something, breathe some life into this soulless film. Make it gory or crazy, brutal or slick.

The director of this film is a TV director and, boy you can tell. At first, I was trying to think of the good points of this film and other than D'onofrio and Rampage, there really isn't much.

I wouldn't even recommend watching this thing on Netflix (which is how I saw it.) Really, skip it. You won't miss out on anything.

ONE FUCK

COMPLIANCE

I just finished watching this film, about which I had heard mixed things. Some people had praised it for being tense and unflinching and I had heard negative comments that it was exploitative.

Honestly, about an hour after sitting through it, I'm still scratching my head. While I enjoyed every minute of it, I'm still a bit shaken.

It's definitely a horror movie, but it's not a horror film that goes for jump scares or gore... It just makes you think that this could (and did) happen.
It made me think about what we've become used to as being normal in society and how we conform to it, without really questioning it. The film haunts me. Therein lies it's brilliance.

A fast food restaurant manager gets a phone call from a "police officer," claiming to have a victim of theft with him and that the thief is a staff member of the restaurant.
The manager is told to hold the worker, search her belongings, strip searcher and on it goes, growing more and more twisted all the time.

What I liked about the film, was that the stakes are constantly raised and that you can't see where this is going to end up.
What frustrated me about the film is that very few people stand up for the victim of the film and that she takes orders so easily. I know this is the point, i just feel a bit dirty for watching it play out.

I don't know if I'll watch this movie again, but it certainly left an impression.

There's more to say about this film, but I'm still ticking it over, so for now:

FOUR FUCKS

!!FRIDAY NIGHT FURY!!

New thing I'm going to do: Friday Night Fury!! Wherein I shall pay tribute to a film from one of my favorite genres: Martial Arts.

I'll try to cover all kinds of martial arts movies, from the Hong Kong classics, to the American made martial arts movies of the 80's and 90's. I'll try to do some reviews of films within the last couple of years too.

Hope you enjoy!

DJANGO UNCHAINED

Funny thing about Tarantino. His fans are VERY loyal. Those people are probably not going to like what I have to say about this film and that's fine.

On the surface, this is a very colorful, entertaining and at times, hilarious film. If you go in, not thinking about anything, chances are you'll have a great time. Gawd bless ya, go ahead and have fun, I wouldn't want to take any enjoyment away from you.

My problem, other than the fact the "N" word is way, way, WAY overused, is typical of the problems I have with Tarantino's other recent films: Overlong, fat, bloated films with scenes that take ten minutes just to get to the point.
 Make no mistake, this film is LONG, at 2 hours and 45 minutes, this could easily lose an hour and you'd have a tighter, better film. When you compare Tarantino's earlier work, when he had his co-writer Roger Avery and his editor Sally Menke, to his later films, you'll notice a big difference. Those two people are sorely missed here. It seems as if Tarantino has so many "Yes" men around him -- same problem as George Lucas, that he gets to do whatever he wants, but lacks the discipline to stay true to his craft. I wish he had someone who wasn't sucking his dick, to pull in the reigns on him.
 I'm not trying to hate on Tarantino, I love Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, Jackie Brown and True Romance, but, as typical with writer directors, they tend to get worse as they get older.
 Perhaps Tarantino has said everything he wants to say, maybe he's just sitting back and enjoying or reliving the movies he saw as a kid and playing with them. I wouldn't really blame him for that.

The look of the film is gorgeous. The cinematography here, truly feels epic. The performances are terrific, no one was bad here (apart from Tarantino's cameo.) I especially loved Samuel L Jackson's performance as the guy-behind-the-guy.
 Christoph Walz is really charismatic and you really pay attention, as is Leonardo Di Caprio (best thing about the film,) for Jamie Foxx... To be honest, you forget he's in it. Let me be clear: Django is NOT the main character in this film. He should be, but he gets swamped by everyone else.

The first half of the film is badass. Two bounty hunters going around, killing dudes, collecting cash with lots of jokes in between. 2nd half becomes an hour of Leonardo Di Caprio and Christoph Walz talking. No lie, an hour and a half of those two guys chit-chatting, with little scenes of violence here and there that simply do not fit naturally in the film.
 The soundtrack - a staple of Tarantino films, for the most part works well, until they bring in the hip hop, which takes you right out of it.

Ah well, this review seems unnecessary. If you're a fan of Tarantino, you're going to watch it and you'll probably love it, not seeing the faults. As I said before: Bless your cotton socks.
 For me, it was just a very uneven film, walking the line of crazy cartoon comic book popcorn fun and dark, brutal exploitation, which -- for me personally, didn't mesh well.

What works, works well. What doesn't, is noticeable. Take that for what it's worth.

THREE FUCKS

Oh, fans of crazy blood spurts are going to be happy. It's like red custard flying out of people!

ROBOT & FRANK

Wow.

I can't tell you how many hours I've put into genre movies, like action, horror, sci-fi and I think I enjoy them and give a lot of credit. Then, occasionally -- rarely these days, a simple, economic film comes along and blows them all out of the water.

Robot & Frank did that for me.

In the near future, a retired cat burglar (Frank) with deteriorating mental health, is becoming increasingly difficult for his grown-up children to take care of. One of his children provides him with a robotic caretaker, to aid him in his mental and physical health. Frank at first, can't stand this thing, following him around, giving him orders and just pretty much imposing on every aspect of his life. That is, until, Frank discovers the robot has a talent for learning and the ability to use his knowledge. It doesn't take long before the cat burglar teaches his ways to the robot and the two become a team, planning and executing a heist.

I thought this would be some kind of Hollywood fodder: Machine learns about life from man, man learns about life from machine. It has SO much more than that.
 The movie was charming, funny, profound and at times, really emotional.

I mentioned earlier that it was economic. A lot of the film is made up of master shots, so there's not a lot of fast cutting in between characters, allowing us to sit back and let the actors perform - which is such a pleasure to watch. Everyone in this movie was fantastic, the writing was clever and concise, with characters you become fond of in such little time, something happens in every scene and at 90 minutes, it never outstays it's welcome. The ending, which I won't give away, is very subtle and the best ending I have seen for a long, long time.

This is a deceptively clever film, very simply told and holds more depth than pretty much anything I've seen in the last 12 months. It is definitely something I shall watch again and again, I really can't recommend this enough.

So, quite obviously, I'm giving this a hard

FIVE FUCKS

THE COLLECTION

I was looking forward to this for a long time, as I was a big fan of "The Collector," since I saw it back in 2009. What I expected that film to be, was a cheap, loud, overbearing Saw knock-off, since it had the writers of parts IV, V & VI, as was so advertized.
 I found it to be quite a smart, muted horror film - that is until the carnage started occuring and I found myself squirming uncomfortably at certain scenes -- which is exactly what I want from this kind of film.

Four years on, I managed to get a hold of "The Collection" and I eagerly shut off the lights, switched on the DVD player, cranked the sound up and sat as close to the TV as I could, without blowing my eyeballs out. I was ready to be pumped full of adrenaline, biting my nails nervously and checking my heart rate... I got something different from what I was expecting.

And, by no means, do I mean that different is bad.

This movie, it should be noted, is somewhat of an action movie -- kind of like the way Aliens is to Alien. The set up is textbook B movie action plot, minus Chuck Norris or Michael Dudikoff: Rich guy's daughter is taken, so a team is assembled to go in and rescue her, with the help of the kidnapper's last remaining survivor. That's all the story you get here. That's all you need and it's all the better for it.

The film is quite bloody, it's first "kill" is probably the goriest of the bunch, so gore hounds may feel that this sequel is a bit lacking, or that it blew it's load too soon. Personally, I didn't feel that way, as from that moment on, the movie didn't stop for breath, like a perfect rhythm, it's beats went boom boom boom.
 That's another thing, it's short running time may leave people thinking, "Was that it?," but I think the film was as long as it needed to be. Get in, tell your story, get out. I love that. More films need to do that.

There was never a point in the movie where I felt scared, or a sense of dread, just an eagerness to see what was coming next. There were a few characters in here, that I felt didn't need to be, but nothing that was too imposing.

I'm never keen on horror movies, where the characters stand up to the antagonist and put up a good fight, I think it takes power away from the killer/monster -- whatever it may be. This is a personal thing, because when you identify with the "hero," and you see him or her kicking the bad guy's ass, you too feel that you could do the same, foregoing all that fear you built up in the previous scenes/movies.
 There a couple of those scenes here, but, as I said - This really felt like an action movie to me, more than a straight up horror, so I didn't mind too much.

There are some cool scenes that will make you wince, say "Oooh fuck!" or giggle devilishly, as I did.
 I think The Collection is going to be a film that has people divided. You're either going to go with it, or you're not. I did and had a good time.
 There are some moments you do have to call bullshit on, but they don't take away from the overall film. I give The Collection a positive

THREE FUCKS

Savages (Unrated)

You know what bugs me most about modern movies? They're loud, bloated, ostentatious things, that are longer than they need to be.
Such is the case with Savages: the story of a whore, a hippy and a tough guy, who, as dope dealers, land themselves into a whole heap of shit, when bigger boys come into town.
You have O, our narrator, a young lady who never stops yapping over the movie, pretty much every time a new character is introduced, (never stopping - even well into act 3.) And her two lovers, Ben the hippie, who "makes love" and tough guy (pft) Chon who -- and this made me laugh, "has wargasms."
Anyway, the long and short of it is, O gets kidnapped and held hostage, while Cheech and Chong -- sorry, Ben and Chon jump through a bunch of hoops to get her back.

The problem is, you just don't care. They rub it in your face what an easy life they have, growing and selling dope, so all they do is hang out at the beach and fuck, (while the rest of us work our hands to the bone to try and make ends meet.) O doesn't say that, but that's what I got from it.
They live such a fantasy life, that you just can't relate to them. And, really, they're fucking scumbags when you think about it.
The saturation and the blaring soundtrack make the thing seem like a cartoon, so you never really buy into the reality of it. That's fine, if that's the tone you're going for, but at least make it fun with some humor or some quirky dialogue. Maybe a few more action beats, because this movie drags itself along.

The high points of the movie for me, were whenever Benicio Del Toro was on screen. That guy is great. He comes in on his first scene, just loving what he is doing then later in the film, he's scarily baleful.
Salma Hayek is good here too and she still looks hot as hell. She plays her part well, but you could never believe she is the boss of a drug empire. That's a fault of the writing, not her performance.
John Travolta also plays a role as a corrupt DEA agent, playing both sides against each other and he does a good job, as a weasley little fuckface.

The film is well shot and there's some good stuff in here. The cinematography is gorgeous, California looks beautiful, the landscapes, the beaches -- if you're wanting a film just for the aesthetic, i would highly recommend it.
The action sequences are intense and there were a few "Holy Shit!" moments in there too.
The film would be a lot better if you chopped an hour out of it, there's no way this needs to be 2 hours 20 which is the unrated version i saw.

While the bad outweighs the good, there's still some enjoyment to be had, it just wasn't my cup of tea.

THREE FUCKS

REVIEW SYSTEM

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Silent Hill Revelation

I wanted to like this. I really did. The director is a good guy, I am a fan of the Silent Hill videogame series and I enjoyed the first movie, despite it's faults.
 However, awful dialogue, a contrived plot and actors who phone in their performances does not a good film make. For the first 20 or so minutes, I stuck with it as hard as I could, "Just wait till they get to Silent Hill, the dark world is going to kick off!"
 What happens at the end of Act 1, when the protagonist does fall into that dark world? Fuck all.
The bitch walks around for 40 minutes with John Snow (who isn't the greatest actor in Game Of Thrones, anyway) until we reach one of two climaxes, yes, TWO! And when one finishes, the other one seems unnecessary. The ending feels like a cheap "The Outer Limits" knock off.
 It's not all bad, the costume design and make up effects are actually very decent, it's just spoiled by bad CGI and a lack of scope that really make you feel like you are in the world.
 I would say rent it with friends, as there is very little under the surface going on and it might be fun to have something on in the background, while you snack and chat.
 All in all, I give this film:

TWO FUCKS

because, while the story wasn't interesting at all, there wasn't anything in there that made me hate it, either. I was just completely nonchalant about the whole affair.

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At Medicated Fiends, we offer honest movie reviews without agenda, other than to share ideas and invite conversation and/or debate.

All types of movies shall be reviewed here, not only the latest thing hitting your theaters. From Hollywood blockbusters, to schlocky B Movies -- No one is safe!!